Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
