so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
