so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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