she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
