Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
