its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
