Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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