We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
someone owes me an orgasm
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
