Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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