I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
