Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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