How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
