nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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