DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
