the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
