The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
