I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
