Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
