I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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