you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
