Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
