Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
where am i from again
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
