come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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