24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
did i just pee glitter
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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