I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
