I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
