I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
