he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
