don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i drank out of a bidet.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
