You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
