I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
