did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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