Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
