dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
