what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
