You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
