And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
