Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
