Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
