I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sext me about skeletons
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
