I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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