I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
