Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
