Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
