He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
