The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
