I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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