Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
