She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
