I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
