Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
