I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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