May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
